OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
