I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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