i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Operation Purity has been aborted
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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