My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
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