i just wanna soil my oats bro
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
