ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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