Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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