Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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