the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize