Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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