My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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