in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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