He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
