The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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