Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
