youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
