We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
