Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
