Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
