he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
