You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
