Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
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