so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
