i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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