and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
3pm strippers are depressing
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
