I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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