i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
