He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
