Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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