so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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