I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
