I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
