you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
