I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
