I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Can I color on your dick again?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
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