my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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