How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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