you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
