At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
