I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
