So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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