The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
There's always time for handjobs
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
