He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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