Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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