I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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