Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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