the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
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