i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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