i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
17 year olds will be the death of me.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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