He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
So much rum. So many feels.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
