I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
