oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
