I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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