How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
