honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
