I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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