Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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