The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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