how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
this just has baby written all over it
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
