honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
