so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
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