why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
