didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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