I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
