You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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