One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
