It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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