His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
