If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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