I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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