remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
