Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize