Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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